I am afraid to wear my natural hair.
There. I said it.
Growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood: Where all your friends have the long straight hair and it’s not anything CLOSE TO:
or just flat out
People not understanding why my hair is different.
And me not able to explain it either.
It was an awful time.
And it took me a while to feel if I was ever pretty or attractive. That if
the white boys think black girls are pretty
or if they’ll ever
be into a black girl who just looks different from what they’re used to. I don’t even know.
This lessened my confidence growing up. And even tho I’m past the whole ‘do-boys-like-me-stage.’
Theres still small traces of not being 100% beautiful there.
Its hiding. Underneath the case of my cornrow extensions.
I haven’t even taken out my braids yet and that’s what makes it all the more dire
And scary too.
I admit that, based on the way I’ve grown up, I’ve always wanted to have the “long hair.”
And with constant braids?
I never had the confidence or the self love to truly embrace my natural self.
It’s terrifying. It’s like standing on the edge of a cliff looking down at the rocks, the rough waves, and the water. Not knowing if you’ll live or die.
Okay Dramatic I know)
I just feel myself gauging my hair length through ALL the women on YouTube. Just screaming and fidgeting on the inside. Cause I have no idea how it’ll look.
But that’s why I need to do this. This fear is going to be an exact testament to the bravery I have. The confidence I’m reconstructing. There’s no wiggle room it’s just me. Bare, Nude and Vulnerable.
I Just need to take a deep breath and just dive.